Or not having it any more, and going quiet instead. Couples counselling isn't only for people deciding whether to separate. Often it's two people who still care about each other and have stopped being able to hear each other, and want to know whether that can change.
Free, no commitment, and you can ring on your own first if that's easier.
You don't need all of it. One is enough of a reason to talk.
The same argument keeps coming round, and nothing ever changes.
You've stopped arguing, and the quiet feels worse than the rows did.
Something happened that you've never really talked about properly.
You're managing the house and the children well, and each other badly.
One of you wants to talk about it and the other would rather not.
You're not sure whether you're trying to fix it or trying to end it well.
You're polite to each other, and you live more like flatmates than partners.
Something big has happened, a baby, a bereavement, an illness, and you've come out of it as different people.
Couples counselling isn't only for relationships in crisis, and it isn't a last resort before separating. Quite often it's two people who still care about each other and have run out of ways to say so.
There's no script and no awkward exercises. Just a room where you can both say what you actually think.
An hour together where I hear what's brought you here, from both of you. By the end of it you'll have a sense of whether this feels right. Nothing is committed to.
Most couples aren't arguing about what they think they're arguing about. We look at how the conversation goes wrong, and what's underneath it when it does.
Not rules to follow or scripts to memorise. Small changes in how you speak to each other, tried out in the room first where it's safe to get it wrong.
My job is to understand what happens between you, not to decide who's right. If one of you leaves feeling ganged up on, I haven't done my job. Both of you need to feel safe in that room.
My work is systemic and attachment-informed, and my postgraduate training is from the Tavistock and Portman Clinic. In practice that means looking at the pattern between you, and at how each of you learned to handle closeness and conflict long before you met.
Some couples come for six sessions. Some come for twenty. There's no block to buy up front and we review how it's going as we go.
I've been in practice since 2010, much of it with people carrying trauma and with families under real strain. Very little that comes up in the room will be new to me.
Face to face, in a quiet and private room, with parking available. Easy to reach from across Bournemouth, Poole and Christchurch.
Shared with permission, exactly as they were written.
“When I no longer made sense to myself, Issi listened. She acknowledged my uncertainties and fears, encouraging me to sit with them without the need to fight them or shut them down. She helped me to understand the responsibility was not held by the child I once was, and taught me to hold myself with compassion.”
Client“Thank you so much for all the support you have given our daughter. It has made such a difference to her, and how she views her family problems. I think you have set her up for life.”
Parent“Issi has been such a valuable emotional support for us at school, helping both the parents and children with a wide range of issues. She has made a huge difference to the children's lives.”
School“Dear Issi, just can't thank you enough for everything, you really are wonderful.”
ClientPayment by cash, cheque or bank transfer on the day of your session.
Before either of you commits to anything, we can talk on the phone at no cost. Plenty of people ring on their own first to see how it feels, and that's completely fine.
If you need to cancel, please give at least 24 hours' notice, otherwise the session is charged in full.
That's very common, and it's usually one of you who gets in touch first. Ring me on your own and we'll talk it through. Sometimes it helps for the reluctant one to know exactly what the first session involves before agreeing to anything.
Usually together, because the work is about what happens between you. Sometimes it's useful to see each of you on your own for a session, and if that would help I'd suggest it rather than spring it on you.
No. That isn't what I'm there for, and it wouldn't help either of you. My interest is in what happens between you, which is almost never one person's doing.
Some couples do, and that can be the right outcome. Counselling isn't only about staying together. It can also be about separating in a way that's less damaging, particularly where there are children involved.
Yes. What's said in the room stays between us. There are a small number of legal exceptions, mainly where there's a risk of serious harm, and I'll go through those with you at the start so you both know where you stand.
Sometimes, yes. My training is in systemic family counselling, so family sessions including children are something I do regularly. We'd talk on the phone about whether that would be useful in your case.
There's no set number. Some couples come for around six sessions with something specific. Others stay longer. You're not buying a block, and we'll review it as we go.
You don't have to have worked out what you want to say, or agree with each other about why you're ringing. If it's easier to do it on your own first, that's fine too.
Call 07717 789681Or email hello@mindgardencounselling.co.uk · More about Isabel
